Hide it if you like it

The best of this country can be found in the run down, side road spots shoved off the main drag and into obscurity. The places with buzzing, half-lit signs, more letters missing than glowing. The haunts you only hear about word of mouth, unadvertised, a place virus hopping from patron to patron. Sergio's, like most of the places we'll talk about on this blog, is one of those locales. It's in Shelbyville, KY -- a place you have never heard of.

Beer places are weird. Most people drink what's on TV, your Bud, or Bud Light, or Corona if you're feeling "imported." The real artisan shit, beers that are as much as bottle as an 18 pack of whatever, no one likes. It's expensive. Doesn't get you any drunker. Tastes harsh. Strange. To be into it, you have to LOVE beer -- and Sergio, my friends, loves beer. He loves beer in a way that makes me surprised he did not name his son Barley, and his dog Hops. He loves beer in a way that means the only time a smile sneaks onto his shy face is when he's talking about a brew, or when I am asking him a stupid, half-buzzed question about catering my wedding. More on this later.

Sergio's is in actuality a restaurant. Well, according to the buzzy, red lettered sign out front, it's an "aunt." Either way, the food is incredible. The night we gathered intel for this piece was my last night eating meat after a several year break from being a vegetarian -- as soon as I decided to become a herbivore again I knew what I wanted to go out on, a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich from Sergio's. His skill at crafting this thing makes no sense; Sergio is Brazilian, a Philly Cheese Steak is not. Still, I have never had a better Philly. The sandwich is some preternatural meal, mounds of steak, cheese, and peppers rammed into bread that has to have been baked that day. It's enough to feed two grown men. And there are fries, but I can keep enjoying those at the date of this writing, and am thus less inclined to wax poetic about them. Of course, there's a lot more to Sergio's menu, but why bother. Get the Philly.

Back to beer. Sergio's is a beer church, a beer cathedral, the walls are lined with reliquaries of impeccable beer glasses, beer bottles, flags from beer making countries, and license plates from states where, presumably, they drink beer. Flattened six pack cartons serve as wallpaper, stacks of beer cases, kegs, and taps serve as altars. The bar is the pulpit, where Sergio stands behind a congregation of beer taps, ready to offer succor in some twenty varieties at a time. If there was ever a place to espouse Ben Franklin's quote about beer being proof of God desiring our happiness, this is it. This sacrosanctity is key to a visit to Sergio's. This is not a place to get wild. In fact, when you're too buzzed it's tough to figure out which bathroom is for men and which is for women (the doors are covered in beer cartons and there's only a tiny sign pointing out which parts are allowed in), and I bet that's on purpose. Sergio's is a place to come and genuinely enjoy the beer you're drinking, to have some amazing food and chat with friends, and sure, to get your buzz on -- and Sergio is there to always make sure there's a designated driver when someone orders a particularly heady brew. But it is not a place to get wild.

That comes after a good visit to Sergio's. And then the next morning, spent hung over eating strawberry pancakes with corn on the cob at Rick's in Frankfort, KY, when Rick says "Who's the freak who ordered pancakes with corn? Oh yeah, the guy who looks like he just got out of a clothes dryer," reminds you why sometimes, it's best to stop at the beers Sergio gave you and not go off thinking you're good to go four rich beers in. At that point when I was drunkenly leaving Sergio's, paying my tab, slurry asking him "Hey Sergio, will you cater my wedding?" he just shrugged, smiled, and said "Sure."

I'm holding him to it.

WHAT I DRANK:
Clipper City Loose Cannon (Hop3) Ale -- I'm a hoppy guy, hoppy like a bunny, the hoppier a beer and more I love it, and Loose Cannon is a delicious, hoppy ale. Smooth, pleasantly bitter, and strong enough to stay interesting. It has a bit of a sweet taste which gives it some distinction from others IPAs like Dogfish Head IPA. Also, my girlfriend is from Baltimore, and she'd probably frown at me I didn't dig this beer. I don't like when she frowns.

Sapporo Dry Lager (22 oz. can) -- I won't pretend I didn't order this beer for the steel can it's in. But this steel can is amazing. It's not truly round, more like some strange polygon that is hammered into the rough shape of a can. Sapporo is good though, your usual dry lager, but I'm a huge Asahi fan so Sapporo is usually pretty pleasing. Bonzai.

Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA -- This is my favorite beer. It's 21% alcohol, so I'm not sure if it still qualifies as beer, but it's still my favorite whatever it is. It's serious. It's so hoppy it might jump off your table. The high alcohol content makes it have a bold, sweet taste not unlike Kentucky Ale's Bourbon Barrel Ale, but much, much stronger, as if you cold added bourbon to the beer itself. Yet, it's smooth. Extremely palatable. And Sergio serves it in a Dogfish Head goblet. It's good to be king.

HOW LONG UNTIL DAVE FELL DOWN AND HURT HIMSELF:
Surprisingly enough, I didn't fall down at all this trip, and there were some adverse weather conditions so it's double surprising that I didn't stumble into some ice. I did, however, throw up what appeared to be a whole pancake the next morning. Paul took a picture, but you might have to e-mail him for it.

It's all down-hill from here

Sergio's World Beers, located off US 60 outside of Shelbyville, is Kentucky's best-kept secret when it comes to drinking.

It's easy to miss Sergio's because the exterior, like its proprietor, is quiet and unassuming. The watering hole sports a large neon "RESTAURANT" sign near the highway but most of the letters are burned out. Inside is not much better - there's little in the way of amenities aside form a few simple tables, chairs and a large TV.

However,the vast array of national flags, license plates and beer taps adorning the walls should clue you into Sergio's strength - an unparalleled selection. There's a healthy rotating selection of more than a dozen excellent beers on tap at any given time. On our most recent trip it included Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout, Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron, Avery IPA, Ommegang Three Philosophers and Fantome de Noel, just to name a few.

One of my favorites is the Clipper City Brewing Co.'s Loose Cannon American-style IPA - it has a big bold flavor reflects the massive 3 pounds used for each barrel.

One of our drinking companions, David Lucky, imbibbed the Three Philosophers and described it as "hoppy," "sweet" and a "step above "Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale."

But be careful, when you ask for "water" you'll probably end up with Bud Light! Be sure to specify you want H20 in order to cleanse your palette.

Another big hit was the Dogfish Head 120 minute IPA - unfortunately, as the designated driver, I was unable to partake of this delicious 21-percent ABV nectar.

Another drinking buddy, Jay Mackay, described said it was a fruity, thick syrup - one of the best drinks he's ever had.

"I didn't know they made beer like that," he said.

However, David Lucky was not a fan and his criticism bordered on blasphemy!

"You can smell the alcohol," he said. "Beer's not supposed to burn."

However, backing these prime selections is a mind-boggling catalogue of 834 different bottled beers from 50 different countries. When you ask for a beer list Sergio hands you a 1-inch binder. Each beer has a short entry including its rating on ratebeer.com (most are rated 70 or higher) and three-letter code for the brewing style. And the list is always expanding with a projected total of 1,000 by the end of 2009.

Any sensible beer aficionado would feel intimidated by that overwhelming selection of good beers. However, proprietor and namesake Sergio is always on hand to lend some guidance and advice. He's always available to chat about great drinking experiences, homebrew tips or recommend a new libation. Sergio, a Brazilian, is quiet yet friendly.

Sergio's also a little too dedicated to his work - this watering hole is open even on Christmas and Thanksgiving!
And that's because the place is always empty - one of Sergio's great weaknesses. We've been there several times, both during the week and on weekends and every time the place has been deserted. Hopefully, a planned relocation to Middletown, on the outskirts of Louisville, will help get this place the attention it deserves. The move to neighboring Jefferson County will also ease some of the more restrictive rules relating to alcohol sales in Shelby County.

A couple unique little elements also make Sergio's stand-out, like his elite beer club (complete with certificate) and his multi-course beer banquets. Only the most dedicated fans will be able to attain the highly laudable goal of consuming 100 samples ( or less than 12 percent) of Sergio's total beer catalogue.

Although a little pricey, the $50 11-course marathon meal/drinking festival is certainly a good investment. Past menus have included such pairings as beer wings with Commodore Perry, Brie with Ommegang Witte and a decadent chocolate brownie with Kasteel Rouge.

But the beer is only half the story. A simple, tasty and inexpensive menu includes basic bar staples, along with Italian and Mexican dishes. But the real star of the menu is the East Coast Style Foot Long Philly Cheese steak. For $7.50 it comes with fries and enough sandwich to feed two - that's in addition to the free chips and dip every table gets when you sit down.

The bread is obviously baked fresh and the ensemble of meat, cheese and peppers is perfect. The fresh-cut fries were also so good that Jay ordered a second helping - he said they had a mild, Cajun-like flavor.


Overall rating
Paul - I was temporarily distracted from my all-consuming thoughts of nihilism for more than 45 minutes, an incredible occurrence!